


Reflection of Regret

by Rainyhart



Series: Eat Well and Also Often [14]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gen, Weight Gain, body image issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-15 19:02:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2239962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainyhart/pseuds/Rainyhart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean looks in the mirror and doesn't like what he sees. Castiel attempts to change that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reflection of Regret

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: insecure!chubby!dean is my lifeline. I've had about 500 words of a fic I was writing, but I need some juice y'know? (Destiel ofc)

Dean catches himself looking in the mirror a lot after Sam tells him to leave.

The first time he’d gotten a good long look of his body was after he’d stepped out of the shower to dry off, and he promptly shut the light off and left the room when he noticed his stomach created a muffin top when he wrapped his towel around his waist.

The second time, he was wriggling himself into a pair of jeans that took a surprisingly extreme struggle to button, only to have said button pop off and strike the mirror a few seconds later, almost simultaneously with his belly forcing the zipper down and pushing out mockingly. He decided to stick with sweat pants soon after and threw the jeans out in the motel dumpster out back later that night.

After that he saves up his pool money to buy himself a scale from the nearest convenience store as a way to humor himself with figuring just how much he actually weighs now. He reasons that he’s gaining weight because of how much more he can eat not having to feed another person now. Sam isn’t there to share a burger with him, or split the fries; so Dean eats them both and orders a dessert with the money left-over. It’s almost as though he’s only now noticed how hungry he actually is after all these years of passing it up, and it’s _awful._

Dean steps on the scale and he’s not expecting a lot. He’s staring anywhere but the mirror and the numbers below, but his resistance doesn’t last long before he’s curious to see what the scale says.

216 

_Two-hundred and sixteen damn pounds._

He could barely see the numbers in the first place with the size of his stomach but now that he knows a weight to it he feels so much worse.

When he can’t take looking at the numbers anymore he looks up at himself in the mirror which isn’t much better in the slightest. He frowns at the stretch-marks starting to form all over his empty tummy, and hops off the scale to throw a shirt on as fast as possible. To cover the marks, and the growing thickness of his arms and if he could, the softness of his chin, all results of his constant eating piling on and turning into fat he’d always been warned to steer clear from as a hunter throughout most of his life.

Dean shoves the scale back into the plastic bag he got it from and then slams the door shut on the bathroom as to leave all that happened in the bathroom as far away from him as possible.

He’s shocked to find Castiel sitting on the bed once he does.

When Cas doesn’t mention anything about what just happened Dean assumes he’s safe, but then he notices the box of pie resting on Cas’s lap and he frowns.

“I wasn’t sure if you had eaten or not yet so I thought it would be courteous to bring you something in case you hadn’t.”

“Oh,” Dean breathes, and then not to be rude, adds, “Thanks, but ah—no thanks.”

Cas furrows his eyebrows at the sudden rejection, and Dean knows for sure he’s screwed now.

“No because you’re not hungry? Or no to the pie?”

“Both.”

Dean takes the pie anyway, seating himself next to Cas with the pie on his lap where its heat warms his thighs. He notices they’ve gotten bigger too. The pie smells really good, it’s probably pecan, but he doesn’t want to eat it. He shouldn’t eat it, but it’s here and Cas brought it all this way because he was thinking of him and it would probably be wrong of him not to.

“You got a fork?”

“Yes, I believe it came with one.”

“Good.”

Dean opens the box to make sure and true to Cas’s word a fork is packaged in there alongside the pie. It doesn’t take long for him to rip it from its plastic container and dig into the pie, trying his best to ignore the way he feels himself being watched because he hasn’t had much of anything to eat today so he’s kind of starving and the pie is really, really good.

“Please don’t look at me like that,” He says after finishing what would be his second piece.

“Like what, Dean?”

“Like I’m the most disgusting being you’ve ever laid eyes on. Even if it’s true—just, can we ignore it?”

Cas goes silent for a minute, studying Dean while he stares down at the pie and at himself and he notices Dean’s expression reads disgusted, but there’s hints of disappointment and regret and exhaustion as well.

“You aren’t,” He says finally. “You’re a healthy 30 something year old whose body won’t easily bounce back as it used to anymore. But in my opinion that doesn’t make you a disgusting being.”

Dean sticks the fork into a slice of pie with uncertainty. “Yeah except my body didn’t force me to get this way, that was all me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you enjoying being able to eat after several years of holding back, Dean.” Cas waits until Dean looks at him before he says, “This is you adjusting, and it’s perfectly normal. I promise you.”

“And you don’t think I’m gross?”

Cas smiles, bringing his finger up to swipe a sticky glob of pie off the corner of Dean’s mouth that he licks off with his tongue. “If you’re gross I’m not much better.”

“Yeah, alright,” Dean smiles back.


End file.
